


like breathing

by secretlychaoticenthusiast



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Drowning, F/F, drowning related trauma, lifeguard AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 02:24:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretlychaoticenthusiast/pseuds/secretlychaoticenthusiast
Summary: she never thought about drowning





	like breathing

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: lipsoul lifeguard au, jungeun is the life guard and jinsoul is gay and also jungeun is gay

She never thought about drowning.

Water above her head, around her body, surrounding her skin. It’s so light and free until you can’t escape it. Until it’s in your lungs, your nose, your eyes. Jinsol is screaming with what air she has left.

It burns. No one ever mentioned how drowning burns. How it feels like her body is going to explode, how she feels full. She kicks. Her foot hurts, her ankle. What happened before she was in the water? How did she get in the water?

Why can’t she get out.  _Out out out._  She thinks that word over and over and keeps kicking and if there wasn’t water everywhere, Jinsol thinks she would be crying.

_Out._

She’s climbing a ladder except her feed are tied down.

Black dots blur her vision.

She never thought about drowning. She never thought about dying. She’s dying. She thinks of how she’s 16. And she remembers her last birthday party, the birth of her sister, Chaewon, the death of her father.

Did he see her?

Why can’t she get out? The black comes back.  _Why can’t she get out?_  Everything is black. She thinks,  _out,_ again. Mouth, her mouth, somebody else’s mouth. Black. Her lungs burn, and she feels a push. She’s still in the water. Maybe.

Jinsol sees her dad picking her up.  _Best daughter in the universe._

Black.

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

When Jinsol opens her eyes, she is nowhere near water. Everything around her is white. Her body is cold. She opens her mouth, then covers it quickly with her hand. Flashes of water rushing in come to her, and when she tries to talk, her voice is shot. She touches her throat.

Jinsol looks to her side and sees a girl she’s never seen before sleeping. She has long, light blonde hair tied up in a ponytail. What the hell is going on? Maybe Jinsol is dead, and she’s like an angel or something.

Jinsol tries to stand but  _fuck._ Her ankle. She looks around frantically, only to find the girl’s eyes slowly flutter open. She’s pretty, not that Jinsol can think much about that.

“Jinsol?” the girl says, groggy. She smiles then. Who the hell is she? “Oh!” she says, as if remembering that – logically – Jinsol has no clue who she is. “We should call in the doctor.”

“Wait!” Jinsol shouts. It hurts, and it’s barely a rasp, but it gets the girl’s attention.

She smiles again, head ducking. “Your sister’s outside, and your mother is on her way from her business trip.”

Jinsol nods. She doesn’t know what else to say. She’s confused. What the hell happened. Jinsol remembers the pain, her body, the latter that went nowhere. She feels a tear roll down her cheek. They were at the beach, and then…and then she was in the water. Jinsol can’t remember what happened next.

“I’ll get the doctor,” the girl says. She tilts her head to the side and smiles before walking towards Jinsol and patting her on the knee. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Her voice is warm, caring. Jinsol still has no clue who she is. Have they met before maybe?

She leaves, and Jinsol’s head is too fuzzy to clarify any of the thoughts buzzing around.

“Jung, Jinsol?” A voice says. She looks up and sees a tall man hovering. Her doctor, presumably. He steps closer. “Are you aware of what happened, Miss Jung?”

Jinsol opens her mouth and then closes it.

“You got swept up by the tide and almost drowned,” He says it in a way that’s mostly formal, as if he’s telling her an uninvolved fact. “Luckily the lifeguard found and saved you before you were swept out too far.” He looks over his shoulder quizzically. “She stayed as well. I’m assuming she’ll be in the waiting room until your mother comes.” The doctor shakes his head.

“My sister,” Jinsol says again, more panicked. Oh God. Did Chaewon try and go after her? The girl mentioned her, but-

“She’s fine,” he reassures.

Jinsol swallows, “Who is the girl?” she asks. Jinsol touches her throat again. It hurts so much.

“I don’t remember. We don’t usually allow non-family members in, but-”

“Can you…ask her to come back?” Jinsol says.

He nods. “She got you right in time. There was no detrimental damage. Your throat will be sore for a few days,” he says. “When you got swept away, something must have hit your foot. The ankle is twisted. We’ll put you on a mild pain reliever.”

Jinsol nods yes because she doesn’t want to speak anymore. Her body feels crumpled.

The doctor then stands and leaves, and the girl comes back in. She looks tired as well, but Jinsol didn’t realize it before.

“Did you need something?” she asks. Jeez, what is she some kind of nurse?

“What’s your name?” Jinsol rasps.

She blushes and chuckles. “Oh. You don’t know me, I forgot.”  _Who forgets something like that?_ “Kim Jungeun,” she says, and then, “I think we go to school together. I’m a year below you.”

Jinsol stares skeptically but can’t answer. “Thank you,” she says, quiet and mumbled.

Jungeun shrugs, her body upright. Jinsol can’t picture this girl with a frown. “It’s my job,” she says. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Jinsol says.

“Of course, I did!” Jungeun says, and now she looks a little upset. It’s…cute. Jinsol probably looks crap right now. Pale skin, cracked lips, beach hair. “Your sister was upset. I can get her to come back, though she’s already asleep. It’s late.” She bites the inside of her cheek. “Your mother should be here really soon.”

Jinsol sighs to herself. She wasn’t supposed to be back for another week…

“She was really worried,” Jungeun says. “How are you feeling?”

Jinsol narrows her eyes. “Like crap,” she says. Her voice cracks slightly so it loses its impact.

“Well, I hope you feel better soon,” she says, and Jinsol gets the feeling that she means it despite them barely knowing each other. “Do you want me to stay until she’s here?”

Jinsol stalls for a second. She almost says yes. There’s something about Jungeun’s presence that’s calming, but at the same time – she doesn’t know this girl at all. “No,” Jinsol says. “But thank you.” Her cheeks feel hot for a split second and she wonders why.

Jungeun nods. “Feel better.”

 

~

 

Jinsol is back to school a few days later. She told her mom, she felt better, only to stop her from panicking. Physically, she does feel better. Her ankle is still sore and she’s on crutches – but her voice is fine, her body is fine.

She can’t sleep, though. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees the darkness, and feels that pain in her lungs. The helplessness is with her constantly. The sting of ocean water in her eyes. She remembers wanting to breathe so badly, if she could just breathe,  _breathe breathe breathe._  Jinsol takes a huge gulp of breath now just to test herself. The air feels like it’s too much.

She shakes her head and walks towards her classroom before being stopped by a voice. “Jinsol?”

Jinsol turns her head only to see Jungeun. Right. She said she went here. Jinsol’s never seen her, though she doesn’t talk to anyone much.

“Oh. You,” Jinsol says. She fumbles. How to act around the person who saved your life? Normally, Jinsol has been known for being aloof, but how can she even think of being that way right now. How to act, how to act. “Ah- I have class,” she says, quiet. Not as brash as she might to someone else. She could say get lost, but that doesn’t feel  _right,_ and for some reason Jinsol wants to be with Jungeun.

“Right,” Jungeun says, smiles. She has a charming smile. Not quite at Jinsol’s level, but close. “I heard the rooftup’s open for this week.”

Huh? Jinsol gives her a confused look. “Oh, really?” she asks.

“Yeah! Do you want to have lunch with me?” Her cheeks turn red for a second, but nothing falters about that smile. She’s so cute…Jinsol doesn’t get why she’s so cheery.

“Yeah,” Jinsol says. Her normal brazen left and went the second Jungeun gave her CPR, she supposes. Jinsol’s cheeks burn a bright red. CPR…That was probably like Jinsol’s first kiss, right? Dammit. She’s being cute again.

“I brought too much food today,” Jungeun says, leaning in with her hands out, though Jinsol’s not sure what the gesture means.

“Okay,” Jinsol says. “Well, I’ll see you at lunch.”

“See you!”

Jinsol turns and heads to class. She’s so nice, and for what reason? People are never just  _that_ nice to Jinsol. Whatever.

Jinsol supposes she deserves it in some way, and smiles to herself because it’s the first time since the beach that she’s been moderately happy.

When lunch rolls around, Jinsol walks up to the rooftop only to find Jungeun waiting. The smell of fresh air. Jinsol takes deep breaths and walks up to Jungeun.

“Hey,” she fumbles.

“Jinsol!” Jungeun says, bubbly as ever. It’s like she’s known Jinsol for years. She has food laid out. Jinsol already has her own lunch.

“You could have some of mine.” Jinsol says, and trying to muster her unusual confidence she says, “Mom made it herself so it’s sure to be great!”

Jungeun laughs, but not in a condescending way. Jinsol bites her lip to tamper down the genuine grin she wants to give. “I’m sure it will be.”

They sit together, folding out their food. It all looks good. Jungeun has cheesecake laid out, and watches Jinsol as she takes a bite out of one of the slice. “What?” Jinsol asks.

“You eat dessert first?”

Jinsol wipes her mouth. “Ah,” she doesn’t know what to say.

“I love cheesecake,” Jungeun then says. “I do that too.”

Oh. Okay. So Jinsol didn’t do something stupid.

After a few minutes of silent eating, Jinsol clears her throat. “Uh, I just wanted to say – thank you again. For getting me out of the water.” She looks down, blushes.

“It’s my job as a life guard on the weekends,” she says. “I’m sorry for not getting you sooner. There were just so many people and I lost sight of you, and then you were somewhere else.”

Jinsol’s eyes widen. “You were watching me before?”

Jungeun swallows and takes a bite of food, “I’ve noticed you in school before,” she says, grinning around her food. “You’re always so pretty.”

Jinsol stared. She could feel her cheeks heat up, “Th-Thanks…”

Jungeun laughed in response to her stuttering.

“So are you in any clubs?”

“No,” Jinsol says. A sharp annoyance hits her. Failed dance club, first year.

“Oh.” Jungeun frowns slightly as if she’s picked up on the irritation.

“You?”

“I want to start a nap club. The objective is to take a nap, of course.”

Jinsol tries to act like she’s impressed. “Oh. Cool,” she says. “How did you think about that?”

Jungeun just laughs to herself. “You know how, we, students are always jammed with school works and such. So why not have a club for sleeping during free time.”

Her laugh is cute. Jinsol chokes on a piece of her sandwich.

“But you should join my nap club,” Jungeun says before Jinsol can respond, “If it ever gets made, I mean.”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah,” Jinsol says. What is she saying? She has no interest in a club.

The bell rings, and Jungeun stands. “Looks like we need to get back,” she says. “Lunch was nice, we should do it again.”

“Yeah,” Jinsol says. Why can she suddenly say nothing but yes right now?

“If you’re interested after school on Wednesdays, I lifeguard at the local pool. You should come by, if you’d like. You don’t have to swim or anything,” she says quickly. “It could be like a date.”

“Date?”

“Mhmm,” Jungeun nods, then starts to walk backwards a bit. “Would you want to?”

“Yeah,” Jinsol says. Dammit. “I mean-”

“Great!”

She walks away with a peppy spring in her step, and Jinsol wonders what the hell just happened.

 

~

 

Jinsol doesn’t go to the pool. It’s not that she doesn’t want to, but the thought of water is antagonizing. Even bathing scares her. She hates the fear, it’s silly. But with water she always remembers not being able to get out.

Jinsol meets up with Jungeun by chance at lunch. She hadn’t planned to, but Jinsol was curious. Does she always eat here at the rooftop? And why? It’s so windy.

Jungeun smiles with a tilt of her head. “Jinsol!” she says.

“Hi.” Jinsol bites the inside of her lip. “Sorry, I didn’t go last Wednesday.”

“Hm? Oh!” Did she really forget? “I was disappointed, but I understand.”

“Were you waiting for me?”

“I was just in need of air. It’s too suffocating inside the classroom,” she says. So that’s a no. Jinsol’s still glad she caught up. “Did you want to have lunch again?”

Jinsol blushes and turns her head. “No. I mean – why, would you?”

“We can go to my friends’ table,” Jungeun says, ignoring the stumble. “Or eat here.”

Friends…Jinsol blinks two times, heavy. Well, this girl did save her life. Jinsol supposes she shouldn’t brush her off. Jinsol doesn’t want to anyways. “Sure, if you want to enjoy my company.”

“Of course, I do,” Jungeun says. So serious, but so light. As they’re walking together, Jungeun looks over. “Whenever you want, you can come by. You don’t have to, though.”

Jinsol nods, bites her lip. “I won’t swim.”

“That’s okay.”

“But I guess, I…could tan. And enjoy the view.” What the hell is she saying?

“Okay,” Jungeun says. “Whenever you want.”

 

~

 

It takes Jinsol a few weeks to muster up courage to go to the pool. Though in that time, she does eat lunch with Jungeun a lot.  Her friends are nice enough. Jiwoo and Vivi. Vivi is the most reserved of the three, Jiwoo the least. Jinsol wouldn’t call them all friends yet, but she  _might_ refer to Jungeun as a friend.

She’s cute, and nice, and has a nice smile, and pretty. And – and – Jinsol is gay. And weak. Jinsol remembers when Jungeun said the word date and wonders what she meant by that. Ah, Jinsol’s probably overthinking it. Better to just be cool.

Jinsol stumbles in through the pool gates after setting her back straight, and Jungeun notices her right away. Great.

She’s sitting on a tall post. She’s got on a navy, one-piece that shows the slender curves and Jinsol is still gay.

The pool isn’t too busy, mostly old people. Jungeun waves her over, and Jinsol stays far from the ledge.

“Hey,” she says, forced, the word lodging uncomfortable out of her throat.

Jungeun giggles and climbs down. “I like your bathing suit.” Jinsol blushes and looks down, blue high neck crochet top covering her. Maybe she shouldn’t have come to the pool. “Really,” Jungeun says, in some strange reassurance as if she knew what Jinsol was thinking.

“You can layout over here.” Jungeun gestures to a layout chair next to her post. “I’ve been saving it on my shifts just in case.”

“Oh,” Jinsol says. “Thanks.” She gets out her suntan lotion. The sun is hot today, she’ll be burnt within 15 minutes. Slowly, Jinsol lathers it on, trying not to notice that Jungeun is looking at her. She turns, “What?” she says after a moment.

Jungeun laughs, leans in  _way too close._  She brings her index finger to Jinsol’s face and rubs it on top of Jinsol’s nose. “You didn’t rub it in all the way.”

Jinsol touches her nose. “I did that on purpose. You know, because – ah – my nose burns easily.”

Jungeun moves to grab the lotion, dabs it on her finger and brings it back to Jinsol’s nose. “Sorry then,” she says, dipping it there. Jungeun’s teeth catch her lip. “Do you need help with your back?”

Jinsol looks her up and down again. The whistle dangles from her neck and Jinsol wonders why she’s over here, making Jinsol gay, instead of lifeguarding or something. “Yes,” Jinsol says, like an idiot.

But the damage is done. Jinsol lies on her front while Jungeun moves her hands all down her back. “I don’t want you to get any skin damage,” she murmurs near Jinsol’s ear.  _Holy God._  Her hands are smooth, and move slowly along the slickness of Jinsol’s skin. Jinsol squirms when she reaches the divots toward her lower back. “All done,” Jungeun says after a few moments. Thank God.

“Th-Thanks.”

“You’re so flustered,” she says. Jinsol covers her face before dropping her hands and scowling.

“I’m not! It’s just hot.”

“Of course. Well, I’ll come down in about thirty, that’s when I go on break.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jinsol watches her climb the stand again. She lingers on her rear for a second before snapping her head away.

She thought going to the pool might make her more nervous, but then again she and Jungeun have talked about that before on their lunches alone. The water. The fear. Jungeun mentioned having an incident when she was younger at the pool.

Jinsol wonders how she got past that, if Jinsol will ever get past it. Jungeun thinks she will, one day, with time.

In the meantime, Jinsol soaks up sun and nothing else. Occasionally, she glances up at Jungeun. She uses the whistle once when some kids come in and run near the edge, but she’s nice about it. Brats. Finally, when the break is up, another guard comes in.

Jungeun stands next to her. “Wanna go somewhere?”

“Where?” Jinsol asks, though she’s already standing.

Jungeun tilts her head and smiles. She’s either going to kill Jinsol or, or – Jinsol doesn’t know.

Jinsol shrugs and follows. If it were anyone else, she would demand to know, but she can’t with Jungeun.

She leads them to a small section out back with grass and a few benches but nothing else. “I like to get away from the chlorine smell,” she says.

Jinsol swallows, nods and sits down next to her. “So this is where you always go on your break?”

“Mhmm,” she chirps.

Jinsol clasps her hands together. “I still don’t want to swim.”

“That’s okay.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever want to swim.”

Jungeun looks at her. “That’s okay too.”

“Hey, Jungeun?”

“Hm?”

Better now than never. “When you mentioned that this would be like a date…?” Jinsol leaves it hanging.

Jungeun stares at her, hard for a second, her lips tilted down and brows furrowed just a bit. She leans in and kisses Jinsol. Quickly, but on the lips. When she pulls away, there is a dab of sunscreen on her nose. Jinsol is too stunned to laugh. “Date,” she says. “Was that okay?”

Jinsol smiles and nods. “You have sunscreen on your nose.”

Jungeun touches her nose, and Jinsol leans in and kisses her. This time a little bit longer. Her lips are chapped from the sun, but Jungeun’s are soft. They’re both warm. Jinsol pulls away.

Jungeun chuckles after one extremely long and quiet second.

“What?” Jinsol says, frowning a little.

“Nothing.” She’s so strange. Jinsol bites her lip so she won’t smile, and when Jungeun moves in, she only jumps slightly.

Jungeun holds out her hand, and Jinsol takes it.

 


End file.
